Tired of being treated like I’m crazy. I have no friends anymore. My bestfriend has decided not to talk to me. I might be in a  clinic very soon. I just don’t want to do this anymore. It’s all bullshit. I need someone to talk to. I really do.

Anonymous asked: A little rude but okay. I hope you find a "cure"

I’m rude? You’re the one saying I’m not trying. I am. I appreciate your concern and all, but you don’t know me. I am trying. Like I said, No cure. Just baby steps to an easier day. 

Anonymous asked: You dont seem to legit about that

Really? Do you not get how fucking hard it is? Do you not understand how hard it is to wake up and live a life that you don’t want to live anymore. Do you know how fucking often I think about ending it all? No. You don’t know how I feel. So don’t you dare try to say I’m not trying. I am. There’s not a magic cure, though. It takes time. Okay? 

Anonymous asked: Just be happy its all you can do

I’m trying! I really am.

Anonymous asked: Theres no reason to be sad :)

There are many for me. Thanks for trying, though.

I really am trying, okay. Do you think I want these scars on my body? Do you think I want to starve, and or throw everything up. Do you think I want to lose my best friend? Do you think I want to be this sad? I don’t, okay. I want to be happy. I want to be okay with how I look. I want to be okay with the fact that I have very few friends. I want to be okay with my life. I want to be happy. I really fucking do. There is not magic cure, though. No one thing that will make my past go away. There are baby steps, though. An unexpected laugh. A new friend made. A blade that I don’t need. A mirror that doesn’t matter anymore. I want to get better. I want to live. It just takes time.

Guess who might be put in an in- patient clinic? This crazy whore. I can’t do this. I’ve lost everyone. My bestfriend won’t even talk to me. I’d rather do out- patient. I don’t want help, but it looks like I’m being forced to get it. I have nothing left. This is pointless. I have no one I can even talk to.

I just really like you, okay? But it’s alright cause I know that you will never like me back. I’m not good enough. I never will be. Whatever, I guess I can continue to be forever alone.

Ugh.

Fat, scars, and imperfections. 

That’s all I see when I look at myself anymore.